The Journey
by Wezenstyx
Summary: What went into Eliza forgiving Hamilton for his actions and the Reynolds Pamphlet? This tells her perspective of It's Quiet Up Town, kinda. *Disclaimer- All rights go to Lin-Manuel Miranda (and whoever helped him) as well as modified American History
1. Chapter 1

It's been four months since that awful day. Four years since he ruined everything about our lives. I can't keep myself from crying. I miss my son. I miss my husband, the witty, intelligent man that left my life when he published those letters. Even so, I miss the feeling of him beside me. It breaks my heart watching him slowly erode from his previous self. I told him to burn, but I don't know if that's what I want after watching it happen.

I'm standing at the window. It is yet another sleepless night for me. I'm watching Alexander aimlessly wander the garden as he has done every night since we've moved. To be honest, it was hard to feel bad for him at first. I had my own problems, but now he's the same way he was. He does his daily duties; goes to the store, tends to the other children, but often I hear him coming home late at night from places only other people have told me about. They say he never goes to the bar, but rather the church, the park, or from just wandering around town. I don't know how many people really care about him, though. So many people read that pamphlet, so many people shamed him, my family, and the Reynolds. I don't think people have forgotten about it, but I wonder what they think of him as they see him wander.

I look down at the letter he had written me about a month after Philip died. I cried when I read it. I've done a lot of that recently.

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 _Dear Eliza,_

 _Look at where we are. Look at where we started. I know I don't deserve you Eliza, but hear me out, that would be enough. If I could spare his life. If I could trade his life for mine, he'd be standing here right now and you would smile and that would be enough. I don't pretend to know the challenges we're facing. I know replacing what we've lost and you need time. But I'm not afraid I know who I married just let me stay here by your side. That would be enough._

 _Alexander_

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I could see the man outside in the garden writing that letter to me, but I could have never seen Alexander writing it. He has so much pride, building his life from the ground up and now it's falling apart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! I just want to say I'm so sorry to those who viewed my story before I had anything posted. I'm still very new to this site and I could not for the life of me figure out how to post a chapter. Might I say, 74 people! Gosh, that blew my mind, I felt so bad. If any of you have come back I'm so sorry!**

 ***Disclaimer-All rights go to Lin-Manuel Miranda (and whoever helped him) as well as American History.**

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I watch him shake and only then realize that he's crying. I've only ever seen him cry three times; when I told him about Philip coming, when Philip was born, and when Philip died. That boy was that man's pride and joy and now he's gone with nothing but pained memories to remind us of his existence. Suddenly I have a realization that explains all of Alexander's actions and it surprises me how long it took me to realize; he feels responsible for Philip's death. Though Philip was the one who challenged that wretched boy, George Eacker, he did it because he was trying to stand up and protect his honor for his father. Not to mention that Alexander then lent Philip his gun when the time for the duel to commence arrived.

I've had people at my side in my time of grief, Washington is dead as well as John Laurens. Lafayette is still in France and Hercules Mulligan hasn't really talked to him since the pamphlet. All those he needed were already gone or unwilling to talk with him. Me? I've had my family, Angelica, Peggy, my father, and my brothers.(Yes, Eliza really did have brothers for those of you going back to your phones to point out the line in Satisfied in which Angelica says, " My father has no sons so I'm the one that's supposed to social climb for one. So I'm the oldest and the wittiest and the gossip in New York City is insidious and Alexander is penniless. Ha, that doesn't mean I want him any less." Sorry, got a tad bit carried away there… I love that song)

I need some fresh air, but I don't dare go outside. As quietly as I can I open the window.

"Philip you would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown," I hear Alexander whisper. Darn it, Alexander, stop being so easy to pity. I watch him sit down on a bench to recompose himself. He sits there for a good half hour staring off into space. I watch as he mouths words as he thinks as if he's saying them out loud, but not really. After a while he sighs, gets up, and goes to his office. The room in which I have condemned him to sleep.

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 **Thank you so much for liking my story enough to read the next chapter. I don't expect this to run very long. That's all for now, I'll see you on the other side of the war.**

 **P.S My family has told me that I officially have a problem, so why not embrace it? I think I'll be ending every chapter with some type of line from Hamilton.**

 **-Wezenstyx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry, this took so long. I've been caught up in personal** **business** **not to mention severe writer's block. Anyway, here's chapter 3. I hope you like it. Especially you IMayOrMayNotExist. Thanks so much for your review!**

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The next morning has gone the same as any other. I prepare breakfast for the children, while they converse amongst themselves. Alexander, of course, is quiet, talking with William, whenever need be. When the Reynolds Pamphlet was released, 4 years ago, Philip, Angie, John Church, and Alexander Jr. were all old enough to know that it was a terrible thing their father did and they hated it for him. Though Philip did forgive him as shown dying to defend his honor, the others have never really treated him the same. Angie especially, she didn't know what to do after Philip died resulting in her going mentally insane.

"Daddy, when is Philip coming home?" I hear William ask. I stop for a moment closely listening to Alexander's answer. This was a common question from the five-year-old, but we had always danced around it. Alexander meets my eyes as I turn to look at him and Will. Though he quickly looks away through that single look we both seem to agree that there can't be any more dancing. We have to give him an answer that would communicate that Philip is dead and not coming home.

"Will," he says. "You remember me telling you about my mother?"

He nods his head in response.

"You remember that she went to heaven when I was only three years younger than Alex? Well, Philip went to go live with her up there."

"But, when will he come home?"

"Son, you can't come home after going to heaven. You'll see him again when you go to live there."

"I want to go now."

"I'm sorry, I'd like to see him too but our times to go live with them have yet to come. We all must be patient and wait."

It's at this time that I'm very grateful for Alexander's way of words. Though I've never understood how he does it, when questions similar to Will's come up though it sure is a life saver. If only he could have used his ability to stop Phil from going to that duel. I smiled at the thought of him. It's funny, how when you loose someone you simultaneously want to be with them, but stay here where you are at the same time. Oh, Philip. No doubt about it, you inherited your father's pride.

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 **Thanks so much again. Review if you wish I really love to read them.**

 **Here's a question, should I write a chapter from Angelica's point of view? I've been thinking about it...**

 **Wezenstyx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Alright, so I forgot to do a lot of things in my haste to get the last chapter up. First I forgot the disclaimer so I've officially added it to the summary above. And second, I forgot to end the last chapter, with a line from Hamilton. So, I'll make sure to finish this one off with that today. Also, a little note, this chapter has a lot of dialogue and it's told from the POV of Angelica I don't know how you'll feel about that, but I don't know any other way to get the points that I want across, across. Anyways, enjoy!**

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- **Angelica POV(For those who don't read the messages that I put above the story.)**

I wake up feeling like I always do; a shell with only my family keeping me from becoming empty. I moved back to New York after everything that went down with Alexander and Eliza. I remember spending days with her in her bed just holding each other as she cried. We went through the whole thing again after Philp only this time I couldn't be mad at Alexander. The man walked around the house like a ghost a look of utter defeat etched across his face every day. Yes, I did verbally attack him when he hurt my sister, but now I want to attack Philip. I know I can't, but the pain I had to watch my sister and brother go through was terrible and poor Alexander didn't have anyone to help him.

I can't imagine anyone seeing the world like he does. It's taken so much from him leaving behind the broken, empty shell, of an orphan. Despite the pain in my family's life I can't help but feel excited at the prospect of seeing Eliza today. She's gotten much better and closer to her old happy self, Alexander on the other hand... Quickly, I dress myself saying no more to my boring husband than good morning and goodbye.

Deciding to walk, I move along the familiar roads of New York. I had never truly liked living in London so being able to move back, in general, I considered a gift. Even with the typical bustle of the city, I'm still somehow able to spot Alexander within the crowd. He looks to be newly shaven, which is rare considering the only time he's in the house is to sleep, nowadays, his hair has acquired new, more prominent, wisps of gray, and that look of defeat from months ago has seemed to make his face its new home. Exactly what I've feared has come: Alexander's not getting any better. Knowing I might be walking into the ultimate wrath of my sister I decide I have to talk to her about it.

Knocking on the front door I quickly go over how I plan to open this topic of conversation. I don't have enough time for Alexander Jr. opens the door.

"Aunt Angelica!" He exclaims

"Alex, how are you?" I respond while he proceeds to open the door further to allow me to enter.

"I'm doing fine I just find myself wishing more and more each day that life would go back to normal." He tells me as we walk into the sitting room.

"What exactly do you mean?"

"Well, between my brother dying, my mother and father barely speaking to each other, my sister going crazy, and my father acting as if he's not even human life's a bit strange."

"I see."

"Yeah…"

"Well speaking of your mother and father how are they doing in your opinion?"

"Mother seems to be doing fine she doesn't act so depressed since Philip, but Father… He has taken to only talking to Will because no one but the obvious five-year-old wants anything to do with him."

"Wow..."

"I know. I mean, I was mad when he cheated on Mother, but I forgave him a long time ago. I just haven't found a way to show him that."

"Have you tried just talking to him?"

"I've thought about it, but he's only home at night or early mornings."

"Ah, okay Alex I'm going to be as honest with you as I might be with any other adult. I don't personally think that you're a child anymore and deserve to hear this: I'm worried about your father. I see him around the city it's quite obvious that he's not getting any better in terms of grief and if he only has his oblivious five-year-old son to help him through it than I doubt that he's going to get any better.

"After Philip, you and your siblings stayed close to your mother rather than him so maybe some who might understand the grief that he's going through would be a lifesaver for him."

"Do you really think I should talk to him?"

"I think it could do more for him than you know."

"I'll try to. Thank you, Aunt Angelica."

"Anytime, Alex." And with that, he rises from his chair. Watching leave into the next room I notice Eliza leaning on the doorframe.

Sighing I ask her, "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough for me to realize that my children don't hate their father as much as I thought."

"Disappointed?"

"No," She says coming to sit in the chair across from me. "I'll tell you that I never wanted Alexander to be hated by his children so to learn that at least two of them don't is something I'm very grateful for."

"You still hate him?"

Eliza hesitated before answering. "No." She laughs at my bewildered expression. "What? Do you?" She asks.

Now it's my turn to hesitate. "Well... No, and if I'm going to be completely honest I'm worried about the man."

"Oh?"

"Really? I can't be the only person that has noticed! He's going to drive himself mad talking to no one and beating himself up for a death he thought he could have stopped!"

She's quiet for a long while taking in my words. "I want to forgive him,", was all she said.

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 **Wow, that ended up being a whole lot longer than most chapters. Alright so I'll be going back to Eliza's POV next chapter and as a little teaser, I'll tell you I'm planning to Alexander Jr. decide to finally talk to Alexander Sr. I hope you enjoyed, 'till we meet again. (Yorktown)**

 **-Wezenstyx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hai! So thank you to all those who reviewed and here are is my fanfic cliché list of responses:**

 **Book lover: I hope you enjoy this and I always have time on the weekend. I have no friends which is why I started writing the next chapter five minutes after uploading the previous. I have no life...**

 **Julia M: Thanks. I'm very glad you enjoyed. I don't really know how else to respond to yours. It made me laugh. Yay.**

 **Sahrai C: Thanks so much for your constructive criticism. I've taken your thoughts into account and will try to update it in the future.**

 **Choochoocharliechick: I really didn't mean to make you cry. In general, I want this to be a happy story. Let your waiting cease!**

 **IMayOrMayNotExist: Thank you so much for your continued support on this story! I will admit your first review was what really kept me going.**

 **Thanks agian to all you lovely people who reviewed! So here you go, guys, Chapter 5. I hope you all enjoy *slowly fadeds away into fog***

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 _"Will, eat your food."_

 _"But Mama, something's not right."_

 _"Will, I'm tired of this," I confess. "Please tell me what's wrong and eat your food."_

 _"Papa and Philly aren't here," He says quietly. Looking up from my son I realize that Philip and Alexander really aren't sitting at the table. Alexander really only comes because of Will, but with Philp having just graduated college I thought he'd be home with us._

 _"Do you happen to know where they are?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Okay, why don't you eat and I'll go find them."_

 _"No, Papa always eats with me!"_

 _"Okay, fine." I leave the kitchen and rush down the hall to Alexander's office. I haven't talked to Alexander once in months, but if it means getting the stubborn five-year-old to eat then I will have to risk it. When Philip had graduated from King's College it became obvious that he'd long since forgiven his father about the Reynolds Pamphlet four years prior. I expected them to be talking in Alexander's office and had just lost track of time. I get no response after knocking on the door. Taking matters into my own hands I open it. Much to my dismay, the room was empty. Cursing under my breath I head back to the kitchen. Looking up I see my little boy's hopeful eyes. "I'm_ sorry _son, but I'm afraid I don't know where they are either." Will's face falls._

 _"Mother, I heard them talking a couple of hours ago. They were in his office," James adds._

 _"About what?"_

 _"Well, I was just walking by, but I did hear Philip say, 'They don't exactly cover the subject in boarding school.' And Father responded with, 'Did your friend attempt to negotiate a peace?'"_

 _"That sounds like a lot more dialogue than just passing by the door."_

 _"I may have stood there for a second."_

 _"What on earth could they have been discussing?" I mutter quietly to myself. What involves negotiating peace and subjects not taught in boarding_ sch _\- "Oh, no…"_

 _"What is it, Mama?" Will asks._

 _"Honey, I think I know where your brother has gone," I tell him. Rushing across the room I grab my second son's arm and pull him out of earshot of the other children._

 _"He's gone to a duel," I tell him._

 _"Philip?"_

 _"One of them has. I think it's most likely Phillip, though"_

 _"Oh, god…"_

 _"I'm going out to find them. Please watch your brothers and sister. Don't give them any reason-" I'm cut off by a knock at the door. I run over to answer it._

 _"Excuse me, are you Mrs. Hamilton?" I'm asked by a man._

 _"Yes, sir that is I," I respond._

 _"I've been asked by Mr. Hamilton to come and get you."_

 _"For what reason?" I ask though despite my hopes I'm sure I know the answer._

 _"It seems that your son, Philip Hamilton has been shot." His words come in slow motion with every word after son becoming louder and louder. My heart pounds in my ears while tears flood my eyes. Slowly the world becomes fuzzier and I become less aware of my surroundings. This goes on for what seems like forever until darkness consumes my sight._

I awaken with my breathing having become rapid and sweat having appeared across my forehead. No matter how hard I try the memory of the confirmation of Philip's duel always comes back to me. Recomposing myself I realize how dry my mouth is. I go down to the the kitchen with the intention of getting a glass of water.

It has been a week since I told Angelica that I want to forgive Alexander and it seems as if I'm not the only one. I will admit, I eavesdropped on Alex and Angelica's entire conversation. It seems as if no one can take to watch the pain Alexander is going through on his own anymore not even myself. I'm so caught up in my thoughts I barely hear the front door opening and closing as well the sound of feet coming downstairs. I'm almost certain Alexander has gone to his office, but the cause of the feet I'm still unaware of. As quietly as I can I set down the bucket holding our water and move to look out into the hall. I'm more surprised than I ought to be at the sight of Alex moving to knock on Alexander's office door.

"Father?" He asks slowly opening up the door.

"Alex?" Even though I can't physically see him, I can hear the surprise in Alexander's voice. "What do you need?"

"Oh, nothing. I… I just wanted to maybe talk," I can also hear the anxiety in Alex's voice as he attempts to reconcile with his father, though by this time I've moved to the point in which I can see both of them somewhat clearly. You can see a little more light come to Alexander's eyes after hearing this from his son.

"Really? What would you like to talk about?"

A sense of calm envelops Alex as he moves farther into his father's messy office. "Anything, Father. We haven't really talked to each other in a long time."

"No, we haven't. I suppose that is my fault. I'm sorry, son"

"I think we can blame the both of us. I believe that it is equally my fault as it is yours." For the first time, I've come tor realize how mature my second son has become. For the longest time I saw him as just a boy, my boy, and now I see that he really is becoming more than that. My son is no longer a child. "But, I don't think it will do us if we continue to blame ourselves."

"I will agree with you on that point."

"Father, how are you doing?" Alex says randomly.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, I can sense that you're not doing well. At all."

"You're correct on that point, Alex, but I wouldn't want to shove all of my problems on your shoulders. It would just make me hate myself even more."

"You can't possibly hate yourself, can you?"

"I do, and I personally believe that you know exactly why, based on your not so subtle hints of personal blame."

"Nothing gets past you does it?" Alex chuckles.

"No," Alexander responds laughing a bit himself.

"Father."

"Yes?"

"It's nice to see you smile.

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 **Okay, I'll be honest. I wrote this entire chapter with the soul intention of using that line. I just think it is so sweet. Also, I'd like to apologize for my tardiness in getting this chapter up. This past weekend I was on vacation and the weekend before that I was working on a production of Footloose. I really did begin writing this right after I published Chapter 4, but hated the finished copy of it. So being the idiot I am I started completely rewrote it while juggling tons of other work. Ya'll just caught me on a bad couple of weeks. Anyway, I got it finished and was quite happy with it this time. Alright, thanks again for reading. Go home (Meet Me Inside).**

 **P.S It's a whole lot harder to find good lines from the show to end with. There aren't that many in which they are saying adios to each other in other words.**

 **-Wezenstyx**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I really have no excuse other than writer's block this time for taking so long. This chapter is in Alexander Jr.'s point of view. I had it written a while ago, but didn't like the way that it made Alex seem so I rewrote it. Yeah, yeah I know. I'm an idiot. I'll respond to reviews at the bottom. I really hope you enjoy!**

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 **Alex Jr. POV**

I don't know what good talking to my Father did, he hasn't really gotten better in terms of anything. It's nice knowing he hasn't lost the ability to smile. It did, however, give me a look into his current state of mind. It's been a month since my first conversation with him. We've grown closer if that's the word you want to use, but that first conversation will always be the one that will stick with me for the rest of my days. My father looked like he'd given up on anyone ever wanting anything to do with him. As if he knew that once Will grew older he would learn of his past mistakes and want nothing to do with him like the rest of us had. Never before had I seen someone look like that and to be honest it was just plain depressing. It seemed as if the only thing making him feel any better was the piece of paper he held in his hands. It was faded to the point in which I could see the ink writing on the front of the page. He had set it down when I walked in, but he had set it in a place that made it very easy to read. The page was obviously old and the handwriting, scribbling what looked to be a poem had to have belonged to a child. It read:

 _My name is Philip_

 _I am a poet_

 _I wrote this poem just to show it_

 _And I just turned nine_

 _You can write rhymes_

 _But you can't write mine_

 _I practice french and play piano with my mother_

 _I have a little sister and I've got two little brothers_

 _My Daddy's trying' to start America's bank_

 _Un deux trois quatre cinq!_

I remember smiling as I finished reading the poem. Philip had written it just after he had turned nine I was only five and later that year we as a family would all go to visit my Mother's father. Our father, however, stayed behind. And, well the rest is history. I remember that summer, ten years ago as some of my most treasured times in my fifteen years of life. Boy, that sounded cliche. Anyway, here we are a month later and I've officially decided to take matters into my own hands and I know, I know you shouldn't mess with other people's relationships, but these are my parents. Give me a break.

"I'm just saying that it's worth a try. You seemed to have given up on anything good ever happening to you again."

"That's because I don't deserve anything good to ever happen to me again! Son, I'm the one who cheated on their wife. I'm the one who got my son killed. I'm the reason for all the current pain in our family's life. Nothing I've done should warrant forgiveness from anybody."

"Who says you have to ask for forgiveness? What about just inviting her to go on one of your walks with you?"

"Alex, please."

"Okay, I guess I'll be going then," I say getting up to move towards my father's office door.

"Your forgiveness means more to me than you could ever imagine, you know that right?"

"Father, it all happened a long time ago," And with that, I'm out the door making my way down the hall.

"Were you arguing?" Mother asks as I enter the sitting room. She's currently reading on the couch.

"Perhaps," I answer.

"About what?"

"Uh…" I stutter. "Politics."

"Alright." I know she doesn't believe me. Politics has pretty much ruined Father's life meaning, that, that would be the last thing he would want to talk about. Mother motions for me to sit next to her.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I respond. Slightly worried about what's to come.

"How'd you do it?"

"I'm afraid that you'll have to be more specific."

"How did you forgive your father?"

I sigh. Partly out of relief and partly out of just trying to remember how. "Well, how I forgave him, I don't really know. I think that over time my anger just slowly lost its flame resulting in my forgiving of him. The thing is, it would have been a lot easier for me to forgive him than you. The reason being that you were the one that he cheated on."

She sighed seemingly disappointed with that answer, "I just need to know how."

"Why?" This one word lead us both down a path that'd we'd never gone down before. It was quite clear that she didn't know how to answer. Maybe it was because his ongoing demeanor his having a negative effect on everybody in our family. Especially Will. He wasn't around much when I was young to help my mother with parenting so that couldn't be it. Perhaps it's…. Perhaps it's because-

"I miss him," She says slowly. My only answer is a slow nod as we had been thinking the exact same thing. "Try as I might I can't not love him." We both seemed to be so absorbed in our thoughts that we paid no attention to the slamming of the door. Though, I do recall not closing Father's office door.

"I think you're on your way, Mother," I tell her getting up from the couch.

She smiles at me, "I see through your mask, Alex. It's okay to miss him. I miss him too."

I sigh, she always knew me the best. "I know. Still, sometimes it's hard accepting that he's gone."

"It's going to be that way for a long time."

"I'm sure he misses you too."

"Who?"

"I'd like to think both, but I know that Father does."

It's after supper and we're all now in the sitting room. I and James are reading, while Angie sits on the floor entertaining herself like a small child. Will sit in Mother's lap, drifting off to sleep, and as you would expect Father is absent. He wasn't at dinner either, but even now it's becoming more and more common. I hear him round the corner and turn to watch him. Hastily he grabs his coat and moves towards the door his hand hovering over the doorknob. Sighing he turned back towards us. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly barely making a smile. He opened his mouth a couple of times trying to say something.

"Would you like to join me, Eliza?" He asked his voice barely above a whisper. Mother stared at him and then turned to me. I gave a small grin.

"Let me grab my coat," She said getting up and putting Will down next to me.

I turned back and gave Father a look wordlessly saying, "I told you so."

"It hasn't happened yet," He responded as Mother returned and with that, they left out the front door.

"That's the first they've spoken to each other in months," James said.

I nodded, "Yeah, I get the feeling they'll be talking a lot more."

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 **Okay! I hope you liked that. Sorry for the slightly rocky ending and did I mention that I'm sorry for my tardiness? Alright, well here's the** **cliché** **list of review responses:**

 **IMayOrMayNotExist: I'm so glad! You have been my longest supporter in the reviews and it means the world to me.**

 **PokeMars: I don't think that you were being mean. I'm mostly just glad that you like this story enough to want more. I hope this update satisfies you. (;D)**

 **choochoocharliechick: I'm so happy you think that! Not about your being too emotional for this, though I don't know if you really can be, but your thoughts about the writing.**

 **Thank you all so much for the reviews they always make my day! My goal is to get the next chapter up next week, and it's going to be great(I hope). Just you wait.**

 **-Wezenstyx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello hello hello! How's everyone doing today? Well, first let me say, Happy Easter, to those who celebrate it. Originally I had planned to publish this on Good Friday, but as you can tell it didn't work out that way. In saying that, I will warn you there is quite a bit off talk about death in this chapter. Nothing explicit, but you'll just have to read it. Mostly it's just Eliza reminiscing over the losses Alexander (Sr.) has gone through. I found it fitting with the events that have just occurred if you are Christian. Anyways... ENJOY!**

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The awkwardness of our situation becomes very clear once the front door is closed and Alexander and I are alone just standing on the front porch. I, being an active mother to five since we've moved, has never really had the ability to explore the city.

"You've done this countless times before," I say to Alexander. "I'll follow your lead." He simply nodded and started walking off towards the street. I was literally following Alexander. Staying a good five or so feet behind him.

After walking for a good fifteen minutes he asks, "So how is everyone?"

I hesitate, "They're good. I assume you know how Alex is, Angelica's not really better in terms of her mental state, but I think she's good, James… James is so introverted that I never really know anymore, John is okay as far as I can tell, he too is so quiet that I never know, and little Will… He misses you so much." Alexander only nods in response causing us to both fall quiet again. I'm really now starting to wish I'd taken the time to look at the city. It really is pretty. Candles give a soft glow to nearly every window and the aroma of coming spring fills the air. It's nights like these, though they have great beauty that reminds me off letters, good and bad. I cause me to remember when Alexander and I were courting and the feelings that would overcome me when his letters would arrive; Bliss and joy. It also brings along the memories of the multiple death notices that I have received, specifically the one for Alexander's dear friend John Laurens from his father….

 _I walked into Alexander's office to him, as if there was any question, writing._

" _Alexander? There's a letter for you."_

 _Not even looking up he responded, "It's from John Laurens. I'll read it later."_

" _No," I sigh. "It's from his father."_

" _His father?" Confusion etched across his face. He stared at me, "Will you read it?"_

" _On Tuesday the 27th my son was killed-" Alexander stares at me as if he refuses to believe the writing. " -in a gunfight against British troops retreating from South Carolina. The war was already over. As you know, John dreamed of emancipating and recruiting 3,000 men for the first all-black military regiment. His dream of freedom for these me dies with him." By now Alexander has gotten up from his chair and is staring off into the distance blankly as if he was watching Laurens' ghost. "Alexander. Are you alright?" I ask putting my hand on his._

 _Quickly though, he shakes it off, "I have so much work to do," He says exiting his office._

" _Where would you work though?" I question in a whispered tone as he refuses to work in any other place than his office._

Alexander didn't seem to grieve over John's death, but if you really knew him, as I did, then you could tell that the news of his death basically killed him. You see, with people like him it's more telling when their quiet than when they have something to say. Alexander had moved a hundred miles a minute on a normal day, it was just who he was, but if he was quiet than you knew something was terribly wrong. At first, I thought of his grieving more than just his best friend, but of something more… But I, of course, brushed away the ridiculous thought. Then there was the death of President, General George Washington. His death occurred two years after the release of the Reynolds Pamphlet, so I did nothing to comfort him. It was clear that he was crushed, though.

"I'm sorry," Alexander says, interrupting my dark thoughts. Looking around I realize that I've mindlessly followed him back to the house.

"Trust me, Alexander, I know," I tell him softly. Keeping his head down he gives a slight nod and heads towards the front door.

"Papa!" I hear Will exclaim once Alexander enters the house. Though I know it's likely from delight at seeing his father, I still rush towards the house in panic at the slight chance that it's not. Entering, however, I find that Will had practically leaped into Alexander's arms and was not willing to let him go.

"I guess that relieves me of my duties," Alex says getting up from his spot on the couch. By this time John had joined the other children in the sitting room and Angie had moved to the stairs for some unknown reason. " I swear that kid has endless energy." I turn towards Alexander and Will, who was already asleep in his arms. Alexander raised his eyebrows. "Of, course. Well, I'm going to retire to my room now. Good night, Mother. Father."

"Yes, good night, Alex," Alexander responds with my voice echoing his.

"Night, Mother," James says following Alex up the stairs."

"Good night, Ma- Mother," John corrects himself. I guess in his mind he finds that he's too old to call me, Mama, much to my disappointment. Following the children, Alexander goes up the stairs, Will still asleep in his arms. Sighing, I move towards the stairs and to my bedroom.

Silently, I get ready for another night of lonely and to be honest, depressing sleep. I move to put my necklace in my jewelry box. Setting it inside I see the glint of the only golden piece of jewelry I own, a necklace that held the only letter from Alexander that I didn't set fire to. The main reason for that being that I'd forgotten about it. It read:

 _Before no mortal ever knew_

 _A love like mine so tender, true,_

 _Completely wretched-you away,_

 _And but half blessed e'en while you stay._

 _If present love [illegible] face_

 _Deny you to my fond embrace_

 _No joy unmixed my bosom warms_

 _But when my angel's in my arms._

 _A Hamilton_

I couldn't burn it now, not after watching him be like this for months. I'll keep it of course, but whether I'll wear it again is the only question.

* * *

 **Sorry about the choppiness of this chapter it's really just a filler. Also, any of you that have seen Hamilton would know how sad that scene in which Eliza tells Hamilton of Laurens' death. I'm telling you, if you go and watch the show it will make you cry. Also, also, that poem written towards the end of the chapter was actually written by Alexader Hamilton himself, so yeah, there's a fun fact for you. I'm sorry to say that I really only see two chapters left in this story including an** **epilogue** **. Soooo yeah, here's the cliché list of review responses:**

 **IMayOrMayNotExist: I really am glad that you think so! I hope that you find the kids to be a very influential part of the story as I do. Especially Alex Jr.**

 **PokeMars: If I may quote myself, "I am really glad." I hope that this update lived up to your expectations.**

 **Alright, my fellow Hamilfans (Yes, I feel the need to capitalize that) see you next time. Rise Up! Wise Up!**

 **-Wezenstyx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Soooooooo... Hi. Happy Fourth of July to everyone. I know it's been four months since this story was last updated, but around that time I just lost my drive to complete it and where I left it was a terrible thing fo me to do. I am so fricken sorry about that. You know, with Eliza on the fence. When first writing this story IMayOrMayNotExist wrote saying that they were fine with delayed updates so long that they didn't take longer than two months. Well, I'm sorry I broke that promise. Here's the end I hope ya'll are satisfied.**

* * *

The warming May air enveloped me in a sent that only new spring could bring. Though by now we were well into the season the prospect of warmth after such a dreadful winter still seemed foreign in the eyes of myself and my fellow New Yorkers. Alexander and I stood side by side staring out into the darkening night, one I have come to love. These walks we had together quickly grew closer together in the past two months. Along with that, the distance we kept in between each other grew small. Small enough that if any one person oblivious to the recent political events in the past few years would think us a normal couple, just taking a stroll in the night. Alexander quickly grew more talkative on our walks together explaining literally everything from his perspective, something I really couldn't care less about, but it made him happy or at least gave him a sense of relief that I just let him continue with it. Par usual to someone who didn't care about something, I didn't listen but acted as if I did. There were, however, some bits that I caught that did find myself constantly wondering about, so I guess some good did come out of this.

The thing about all this though is that Alexander remained unpredictable. One day he could be talking his butt off about something random and others simply nod at any one thing I said. Today was one of those days. He appeared to be deep in thought his face still sporting that familiar defeated look. We had all assumed it gone after a while, but alas here it was again.

"It's getting late, we should get back," I say to him. Nod. "Alright, then come on." He shakes his head.

"I'll meet up later," He says.

"Alright." I turn back towards and head in the direction of the house. Every once in awhile I glance back at him and every time I did he had made no effort to move. I was confused if I was saying the least, something was up.

"Did you kill him?" Alex asks once I enter the house.

"Excuse me?"

"Father. Did you kill him?"

"Really, Alex? No I didn't."

"Good. That would have been a terrible birthday gift."

"Ah, the sixteenth birthday. Infamous, isn't it?"

"Yes, that it is."

"Are your siblings already in bed?"

"Yeah, but none of them are asleep."

"You on your way up?"

"No, I'll wait for, Father."

"What is it with Alexander Hamilton's and waiting?"

"I don't know, but you go ahead. I'll be up."

"Goodnight, Alex."

"Night." I walk up the staircase to the second story. Passing a total of 5 rooms on the way to my own. I change into a nightgown but don't get into bed. Instead, I head back into the hallway.

"Welcome home, glad to see you're not dead," Alex says.

"Hello, Alex," Alexander responds.

"Hey, you alright?"

"I'm fine, just really tired."

"Oh. Do you want to stay in my room? It looks like you haven't had a good night's sleep in years."  
"No, thank you. I've gotten used to the office."

"Alright… Goodnight then."  
"Good night, son."

"Okay, something's up," I say to Alexander. It's the night before Alex's birthday and Alexander has not improved his mood at all. If anything, it's gotten worse with Alex's birthday's approach.

"No, I'm… I'm fine."

"Fine isn't the mood you should be in on your son's sixteenth birthday." He didn't respond. His face became even more pained at my comment. Okay, so this definitely has something to do with Alex. "Alexander, what is it?"

"It's ju- It's just what if I fail him, too?

"Fail him?"

"I practically let Philip walk right to his death. I didn't try hard enough to stop him. My son is dead because I messed up and I couldn't convince him not to go through with that duel. What if I do the same thing with Alex? What if I make another mistake and make him feel the need to protect my name?"

"Well, you have the same name…"

"I can't mess up again. I can't let another one of my children die at my expense, but my mistakes are going to hang over my head for the rest of my life and beyond. My children and their children and their children will have to live with the fact that I was an idiot and I ruined the name, 'Hamilton' They're going to have to live with that for all of their lives too.

"Philip was going to be a great person. He was going to do so much with his life and I'm the one that took that away from him. Alex is going to be such a great person." Alexander blamed himself for every single thing that has gone wrong within this family and he knows that everyone blames him, too. All of that guilt has lead here. To him beating himself up over something that he can't change. Any person could see that there was only one way to fix this.

I took his hand, "It's quiet uptown."

Alexander stares at me. There's silence for a good three minutes before he shatters. After every death that's occurred in his life, Alexander has never let anybody see him cry at least willingly. I've seen it happen before, months and months ago. I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder, knowing that the only comfort he needs is to know that I'm here and I'm not leaving him behind. It takes a while but eventually I feel his arms around me and for the first time in four years I don't shake them off. "I've missed you so much," I whisper.

"I don't know him well enough."

"Alex?"

"I had no idea what to get him for his birthday."

"I think this might be just what he wanted."

"I love that boy."

"I love you." He looks like he might cry again.

"God, I did nothing to deserve that."

"Who cares what you deserve." Alexander smiles. Legitimately smiles. It's not forced or fake like the ones he uses with literally everyone.

"Thank you. For everything. After my mother died I thought that my life would never get any better, but coming here, meeting you, well it proved eleven-year-old me wrong. You've been my rock for twenty-seven years. Thank you."

I returned his smile, "You seemed so happy and light-hearted when I first met you at that ball. When I knew nothing about General Washington's right-hand man. Who knew he carried so much emotional baggage."

"Huh, I never knew four years of not speaking could make someone so cold."

"Ha ha." And Alexander laughs. He laughs. Laughs. It's such a foreign sound and god how I have missed it.

I've missed him, I'll admit it and I'm not sorry to say that I'm glad he's back. From the looks of it, the broken orphan might be on the mend.

* * *

 **A pretty unsatisfying ending, huh? Don't worry, I might have an epilogue within the next year. Probably, I don't know. Anyway, thanks to every person who has written a review in my absence. I feel like all my responses are the same to every person and I'm sorry about that. I'm not very creative when it comes to thanking people. So, yeah. I think my all time favorite Hamilton song is fitting for this final chapter, It's Quiet Uptown. Seriosly need an escape. Go uptown I heard it's pretty, well quiet.  
**

 **-Wezenstyx.**


	9. Chapter 9

**And I'm back, One Last Time(see what I did there? sorry). The Journey has officially come to end with this final update. I've done something I've never done before with this though. This covers the time span of two years through the perspectives of the three shown previously in the story. Alex(Jr.), Angelica, and Eliza. Their perspectives start with their name in bold like the text you see here. So... yeah... Enjoy.**

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Forgiving him was one thing, but this? No. No one could have guessed that this would happen. For one, one might think their age would ultimately end it, but also just being with another woman would end all desire, for the both of them. But alas, Philip Hamilton II was welcomed to the world on June 1, 1802. He looked exactly like his name sake. His parents were slightly saddened by this fact, but ultimately joyous that their oldest son could be remembered in this way.

 **Alex:**

It took awhile for it all to seem normal again. I mean, we hadn't acted like a family in 5 years and the last time we did Philip was with us. We all had to adjust being a family without everyone in our family. To be honest, it wasn't easy. I don't think that something like that ever is, but if someone was still skeptical that my mother had forgiven my father I could just show them, my little brother. Philip Hamilton II. It still sounded weird to me. It's been two years since I first lost, Philip I and now here I am another one shoved into my arms. I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy about it or angry. I mean, it feels like they just up and replaced my older brother, but I'm surprisingly okay with it. I'm sixteen now. I'm not a kid anymore, but I'm no adult. I try not to hold grudges against people for too long, I think that I'm mature in doing that, but I don't know if I want another sibling. I'm so confused, I don't know what to feel, but most importantly am I going to hold a grudge against a baby?

 **Angelica:**

He was a beautiful baby boy. He was a miracle. He's the smartest baby I had ever seen. By two, he was walking. Babbling without a care in the world. He and Will, the only ones not affected by the past seven years. They were so happy. Everyone was, granted, my brothers still wanted to kill Alexander for hurting her, but it all seemed to go away with Philip's birth. Everyone adored that boy. Alexander and Eliza adored that boy more than anything. Alex, though. He seemed indifferent at first, almost resentful, but he came around in the end. Soon enough Alex became Philip's favorite person, aside from their parents. They were almost the family with the white picket fence. They almost had everything. They almost were looked up to again, but then, then came along the likes of Aaron Burr.

 **Eliza:**

I told him to come back, I wanted him to come back, I had just gotten him back. I know he's gone. He lied to me. He said he'd be back before I knew he was gone. Now, now all I had left of him was the two letters. My necklace, which I started wearing again the morning of Alex's birthday and… and, this. This thing I held in my hands whilst I was running towards Weehawken. I had told Alex to stay and watch his siblings. God, Philip was only two, what if, what if- No I can't think like that. But that's the only way I can think, I know how these things go. I'm not supposed to get the letter, it means he didn't get home in time to destroy it. It means that the worst might have happened. Emphasis on might have, hopefully. I'd gotten Angelica in my haste we were both on our way. Two women running in their night clothes, they could be considered crazy, that's what the looked, but neither of them cared. Not when Alexander's life was on the line. Then they stopped, time stopped, the world… stopped. Two gunshots. Two. They'd gone through with it. She should've expected that, though. She'd known Burr for a long time. She'd known Alexander longer, but she knew they both had so much pride. Neither of them would've backed down. She and Angelica arrived at the river only to see a boat making its way across. They glanced at each other, increasingly more panicked. _Please God, please, let it be Burr._

It wasn't.

* * *

 **I'll be honest, I'm not crying. I've said it before, I have no soul. Very few things make me cry. Except for this one Dear Evan Hansen fic. Oh.. it was so sad. I loved it. I'm getting off topic. Sorry. Anyway. Thanks to all who have taken even the slightest glance at this story. It was my first and frankly, I'm pretty proud of it. I hope you all have enjoyed it as much as I have. I'm not sure if I'll do any more fics, but this one was fun whilst it lasted.**

 **Thank you all again**

 **Wezen**

 **"A legacy is planting seeds in a garden you never get to see," Alexander Hamilton, _Hamilton An American Musical_**


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